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Don't Be That Guy

Posted by Emily Beers on


Like any other society, small community, tribe, secret society, or cult, being a member of a CrossFit box involves learning the CrossFit language and understanding the social norms of your environment.

It takes time, of course, but the sooner you learn, the easier it will be to avoid being “That Guy” (“That Guy” is the guy coaches talk about after a personal training session or a group class. FYI - He’s the guy you don’t want to be).

 

The Magnificent Seven “Don’t be that Guys”

 

A Glimpse at "When in doubt, Try Harder" Guy

 

7). “Everyday is my First Day of CrossFit” Guy

You’re the guy who - after six months of CrossFit – says things like, “I don’t think I’ve ever done cleans before.” You’re the guy who - when asked how many repetitions you’ve done - replies, “I think about 7, maybe. Or 8 maybe. I don’t know, actually.” And you’re probably also the guy who - when asked about your max deadlift so we can calculate 60% of it for the workout - says, “Is the deadlift the one where you go like this?” This is usually followed by a disheveled, hunched backed bent over movement. Um, yeah. Don’t be that guy.

 

6). “Invisible Blisters” Guy

You’re the guy who stops mid-workout and asks the coach for a substitution for pull-ups because you allegedly tore your hand up. When the coach takes a look at the damage - expecting a crater on your palm - you pull out a microscope in order to show the coach the small piece of skin that shifted on your finger. Don’t be that guy.

 

5). “How Much Does This Weigh?” Guy

You’re the confused barbell guy who has been coming three days a week for 8 months and still can’t recognize the difference between a 25-lb., a 35-lb. bar, and a 45-lb. bar. Likely you have inadequate shoulder mobility, as well, and cannot overhead squat more than 25 lbs. And, of course, on overhead squat days you constantly learn the hard way when you set up with a 45-lb. bar, attempt an overhead squat, topple over, replace the bar, and then ask, “What bar should I use?” Definitely don’t be that guy.

 

4). “Training for the Games” Guy

You’ve been doing CrossFit for 3 months, and you believe you’re one year away from making the Games. You’re taking every recovery pill and shake known to man, and you can’t go anywhere without your knee sleeves and Rock Tape. Nothing can stop you. You’re the guy who goes on vacation and shows up as a guest at another box and refuses to join in on the class because you have your own program to keep you busy in the corner. You’ll show up when you’re hacking up a lung, popping antibiotics the morning after a serious surgery because you’re “Training for the Games.” Don’t be that guy.

 

3). “When in Doubt, Try Harder” Guy

You’re the guy who misses a max deadlift attempt, regroups for thirty seconds, and attempts it again. And again. And again. You believe in rounded back anythings. You often hang from the rings, and although you have no concept of what a muscle up transition feels like, you're hoping that kicking with all your might, pulling wildly and praying hard will get you through the rings. You’re the guy - who at the local competition - proudly stands up after a miraculously completed tippie-toe, crumpled-up squat clean (the kind of squat clean that causes Olympic weightlifters to cringe, but gets a loud “A for Effort” cheer at a CrossFit competition). Don’t be that guy.

2). “100% Paleo, 0% Fun” Guy

You’re the socially awkward guy who can’t go out for dinner and drinks with friends because a little bit of goat cheese might sneak into your salad. Don’t be that guy.

 

1). “I read The Supple Leopard and now I’m an Expert” Guy

And because you’re an expert, of course you have many friends in high positions and its best to name-drop to legitimize your expertise. “Carl Paoli told me last weekend that a KB swing is like a rocking chair,” you announce. Don’t be that guy.

 

Stay tuned for “Don’t be that Girl” and “Don’t be that Coach”

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