When 15.3 was announced, my heart sank.

After 6 years of CrossFit, I’ve finally made it to a place where I’m not scared of 30 double unders. 100 still gasses me like no other. Let alone more than one set of 100.

And while I’ve devoted two years to improving my muscle-ups and have spent a ton of time on pulling and transition drills and enviously studying videos of people flying through the rings, they continue to be a giant black hole for me.

Needless to say, combining these movements into one dreaded workout was going to be a tough one for me.

Coles Notes of the next four days: 

Did the workout once. Felt dejected. Repeated an Open workout for the first time in two years. Didn’t do any better. Got angry. Had a meltdown. Got embarrassed that I got so emotional. Pathetically went on with my day feeling discouraged.

I know this is just a sport. I know it was just one workout. I know I shouldn’t define my self-worth on one workout. But I have before. I did today. And I probably will do it again. And I know I’m not the only one who does this.

And I know my friends, my mom, my coach Chris could just roll their eyes and say,

You’re ridiculous. It’s just a fucking skipping rope and some rings. Fuck off.

But instead, in my pathetic state today, they helped me. They humoured me. They gave me hugs, either via text or in person. They offered to go for Chinese food (which always sounds like a good idea until you eat it and then you remember it’s a bad idea). They offered their ears and advice:

The most genuine and positive woman on earth, Mandy Gill, who also redid 15.3 today, offered a novel of a text expressing how she can relate to my emotions. “Declutter your mind of everything negative” in the next few days,” she said to me.

“I’ve got some ideas to help you improve the pieces,” added the always calming Chris.

“Take care of that little girl inside of you…be gentle on yourself and be thankful for the ups and downs of the journey,” my close friend texted from Calgary. “Give yourself a hug.”

It probably wouldn’t have mattered what anyone told me; it was the fact that they bothered to tell me anything at all. 

Someone else told me today to find value in my defeats. The value I found in my defeat today is the healing power of people in my life. I know it’s silly that exercising can put me on such an emotional rollercoaster, but it does. 

And when the roller coaster takes a turn in the wrong direction, it’s amazing to have people to connect with in a way that I don’t connect when things are going well.