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Please, Don’t Ask Permission to Kiss Me

Posted by: Emily Beers

When my boyfriend was first trying to court me, his efforts kept failing. I use the term court because that’s really what he was trying to do.

He has an old-fashioned way about him—an old soul—and he wasn’t sure how to approach things. He wanted to “man up” and be bold in his pursuit, but society had taught him to be almost meek in his approach to dating so girls would know he’s a respectful guy, as opposed to the apparent alternative: An asshole. 

Other men, who could see he was struggling and trying too hard to be nice, started offering advice:

“Tommy, you just gotta piss on her. She’ll love it.” And, “Just go up to her, grab her, and take her home.”

While I certainly do not wish to be peed on, I wasn’t offended because I believed these men were onto something. These men knew that traditional women still exist—women who appreciate being hunted, and caught, aggressively.

I consider myself a traditional woman. I embrace doing the things women used to do, things like cooking for and feeding my man. And I appreciate a man who owns tool, who can fix things. I hope I never have to change a tire in my life. In my house, I clean the bathrooms, while my boyfriend takes the garbage out. I appreciate a man who I know would step up and confront an intruder with physical force in order to protect me. 

But today, we live in a modern world where a woman would be just as likely to get out of bed with a baseball bat to protect her man. Or worse still, a world where a man might attempt to reason with the intruder diplomatically, peacefully.

Although I’m not getting out of bed to confront an intruder anytime soon, I, too, am a modern woman to some degree. I’m not happy with the thought of being a housewife; I enjoy having a career very much, but there are things about me that are deeply rooted in my heart, and one of them is the kind of man that I’m naturally attracted to.

Many women still like a man who is protective, and even dominating. A man who isn’t meek in his approach, but instead who takes control of the situation. We’d more likely be attracted to a man who grabs us unexpectedly and says, “Let’s get out of here,” than we would a man who asks permission to kiss us.

This picture was taken in the "ask permission" days

And strange as it might sound, how did my boyfriend finally get my attention, get me to want him? He slept with another girl.

In a recent article in Taki’s Magazine, journalist Gavin McInnes explained it this way: “If I were explaining sex to an alien I would tell him to imagine a mouse being eaten by a snake. It’s about a helpless wee thing being dominated by a cruel monster, and both genders love it.”

Another friend once said to me, “If the woman doesn’t feel at least a little bit of fear, you’re doing something wrong.”

A little extreme and possibly offensive, but I understand what both McInnes and my friend are trying to say: I’m a 165 lb. girl. I’m physically strong. I can deadlift and squat more than most guys I see on the street. And I have learned to embrace this about myself. But inside, I’m a woman who wants to feel small and vulnerable sometimes. And I want a man whose presence does this for me.

The truth is, it’s not really about physical strength and it’s not even about sex, per se. Physicality and sex are just two good ways to bring something bigger to light. It’s about male and female attitudes. Perhaps in a calculated effort to squash sexism and pretend that men and women are the same, I believe both men and women have lost some of the things that make both genders beautiful. 

Many men today are scared to be what I consider “men,” while women are embarrassed to be “women.” Many men walk around scared to offend women, and women look to be offended any chance they get. Men seem to they think women want to be as strong as them. Let me say this, if I can beat my guy at an arm wrestle, I probably don’t want him. A sweet, soft, skinny-assed hipster isn’t going to cut it for me.

I am not pretending I represent all women. I know I don’t. Some women are turned on by metrosexual hipsters, and to each their own.

But to all the old-school men out there, traditional women still exist, too. And we’re better together.




Posted by Emily Beers on

Emily Beers, hailing from Vancouver, crosses bridges by being not only a CrossFit athlete, but also a journalist. She has been a regular contributor to the CrossFit Journal since 2011. She qualified and competed at her first CrossFit Games as an individual athlete in 2014.

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Ali Ahmed

May 18, 2016

This is a very difficult time for us men. As if men didn’t think that women were already complicated, radical feminism and movements like “NO MEANS NO” on one hand and then traditional women like you on the other hand have overcomplicated things and confused the hell out of men. And you are right, men are scared to be men. Society has made laws that are heavily biased and in favor of women. All a woman needs to do is yell “RAPE” and the man will be thrown into jail and that’s fucking scary.

Sandra Gray

November 27, 2014

Love this! It’s all so complicated and simple at the same time.

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